Fifty Reasons
by tanyart
Summary: Temeraire. A 50 sentence challenge on Laurence/Tharkay; reasons why it cannot work, but does.


A/N: This was done for the one sentence challenge on livejournal. I chose the theme set Beta.

Also, much love and thanks to aella-irene (of LJ) for making the words I type down resemble English (of the British kind too!).

Warnings: Spoilers for _Victory of Eagles_, implied sex, and slash (but you knew that already).

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**#1 Walking**

The moment Laurence steps onboard the _Allegiance_, he is a dead man walking.

**#2 Waltz**

No matter how much he tries to waltz around his feelings, a part of him falls into that ugly black hole of self-pity and depression.

**#3 Wishes**

He regrets the things he should or should not have done, but what surprises Laurence the most was how he wishes that he had said something better than, "…_Then I am glad we shall be shipmates."_

**#4 Wonder**

But he does wonder if he is fooling himself (or if Tharkay is fooling him).

**#5 Worry**

Laurence fears that Tharkay doesn't worry enough about the dangers of their relationship, but he is proven wrong when he tentatively leans in to kiss him for the first time and Tharkay jerks away, hissing a harsh explanation that _confessing_ one's feelings was not the same as _showing_ them.

**#6 Whimsy**

It shocks Laurence that Tharkay, who has never shown much care for gentlemanly behavior, should appear more susceptible than he was; he grows angry at himself for acting on such an impulsive whimsy.

**#7 Wasteland**

For the first time in his life, the fallen aviator sees the ocean as a wasteland and when he tries to escape to the skies, the endless blue is still there.

**#8 Whiskey and rum**

"It is the whiskey and rum," Tharkay murmurs into his ear, but Laurence doesn't even smell the alcohol on his breath, let alone taste it—and he is quite sure because Tharkay is giving him ample opportunity to check _thoroughly_.

**#9 War**

His heart is going through another painful war and he is becoming sick of it.

**#10 Wedding**

"I would rather not have another unexpected wedding on my hands," Riley remarks dryly-- it takes Laurence a wildly confused moment to realize that he was talking about Emily.

**#11 Birthday**

Tharkay remarks that compared to his own affair, it is the least of his problems if Emily receives an innocent birthday kiss from one of Riley's midshipmen.

**#12 Bias **

Laurence wonders what possesses Iskierka to start a conversation on marriage (Temeraire most likely), but she catches his full attention in the most horrific manner when she advises, "And since you've terrible luck with women, you ought to get rid of those bias notions and try marrying something else."

**#13 Blessing**

"Like a dragon," she continues, giving her blessing and causing Laurence to gape, Granby to down a bottle of port, and Tharkay to shake with silent laughter.

**#14 Burning**

Weeks later, he finally kisses Tharkay with a burning passion that makes the room grow so hot that he's sure Hell was swallowing them up—until Granby runs in and tells them that Iskierka has set the deck on fire.

**#15 Breathing**

As they rush through the thickening smoke, Laurence decides that it is not the time to get offended when he hears Tharkay mutter, "So that explains why I was having trouble breathing."

**#16 Breaking**

One day, Laurence feels something breaking inside him.

**#17 Belief**

It has been broken the moment he met Temeraire; his belief of a black and white world, clear and sharp-- but he realizes this now and is glad that is not his heart instead.

**#18 Balloon**

He catches Tharkay toying with a small paper balloon, but Tharkay quickly folds the sphere flat, puts it in his pocket, and changes the subject, or rather, Laurence becomes distracted.

**#19 Balcony**

(It's because Tharkay accidentally calls the poop deck a _balcony-higher-level-platform-type-thing_ and the sailor in Laurence nearly keels over.)

**#20 Bane**

The inability to discuss the past and future is the bane of their relationship-- aside from the nitpicky fact that it is illegal, of course.

**#21 Quiet**

For one thing, Tharkay is far too quiet at times.

**#22 Quirks**

And when he is not, it is usually because he is being sardonic and Laurence knows it is just one of those bitter quirks that he'll have to forgive (for now).

**#23 Question**

He's embarrassed to ask for his Christian name, but Tharkay sardonically answers the question with mocking Chinese gibberish.

**#24 Quarrel**

In the end, Laurence angrily sticks with just _Tharkay_ (because whatever _that_ had meant, it didn't even sound remotely Christian) and it quickly turns into a real quarrel built upon other reasons.

**#25 Quitting**

In actuality, the tension between them hasn't been this high since Istanbul and, if Laurence can remember correctly, quitting this sort of anger would involve some sort of life-endangering episode.

**#26 Jump**

"You didn't have to jump in after me; I can swim perfectly well," Tharkay grumbles, but he holds on to Laurence and warily glances at Temeraire— who had somehow knocked him off the _Allegiance_ with a little too much intent for it to be a complete accident.

**#27 Jester**

Laurence is not superstitious by nature (especially when it comes to fortune-telling), but when he draws the jester from the pack of cards, he is more amused than hurt by the truth.

**#28 Jousting**

"Off jousting with Tharkay," Granby answers candidly when Riley is wondering where the hell has Laurence run off to _this_ time.

**#29 Jewel**

He sees the paper balloon again, but this time Tharkay gives it to him, uncharacteristically rambling about something called _Zhongqiu Jie_ and that it is a lantern, not a balloon, with a riddle on it; Laurence notices the riddle is written in Chinese, but he keeps the lantern as if it were a precious jewel.

**#30 Just**

"The _just_ laws of England no longer apply to you, Laurence," Tharkay reminds him with a weary sigh, "What could they possibly do—give you _another _death sentence?"

**#31 Smirk**

"Oh Lord, he has given you his smirk," Granby groans privately over supper and Laurence wipes it off his face in a hurry.

**#32 Sorrow**

As embarrassingly romantic as it sounds, Tharkay can cure whatever sorrow he has (and, coincidently, be the reason behind it as well).

**#33 Stupidity**

"Let us not blame it on stupidity for now," Tharkay pants from the other side of the cot, both of them still naked and wincing slightly from a somewhat unsuccessful night, "but rather lack of experience on, er… this form of… uh-"

**#34 Serenade**

The drinking songs and rowdy sea shanties hardly qualify as a serenade, but they do cover up the other noises that are happening on the _Allegiance_.

**#35 Sarcasm **

"Oh, I am so very honored that you've managed to get up this morning," Temeraire says with an unusual air of sarcasm that makes Laurence uneasy.

**#36 Sordid**

"It is not that I find it sordid," Temeraire clarifies once they have the privacy of the sky, "only that I have not thought it possible, and the idea never occurred to me."

**#37 Soliloquy**

Though Temeraire did not mean any harm, Laurence's mind runs a soliloquy of guilt, leaving him dazed and doubting.

**#38 Sojourn**

Australia is not some sort of personal sojourn—he's not being exiled there to _enjoy_ himself.

**#39 Share**

"Well, I suppose we could share Laurence after all," Temeraire concedes loudly (but graciously) to Tharkay; Laurence has never been so red in his entire life.

**#40 Solitary**

After a week of self-imposed solitary confinement, Tharkay exasperatedly barges into his cell and Laurence has an extreme case of déjà vu even though this is an altogether _different _situation.

**#41 Nowhere**

"You are being ridiculous, Laurence," Tharkay seethes in his quiet way, "We are in the middle of nowhere and, I do believe, _heading_ towards nowhere, and my point is; _no one_ can do a thing about it."

**#42 Neutral**

Actually, Riley can, but the naval captain has a way of being comically neutral whenever he walks in on them— Tharkay scoffs that it is only because he is too traumatized to do anything else.

**#43 Nuance**

Over time, he can read every nuance of Tharkay's indifference, only to learn that most of it is only feigned.

**#44 Near**

"Well, the idea of being near you only occurred to me about a thousand times, but I shall admit that I did it simply because I enjoy herding feral dragons and flying across countries with them," Tharkay drawls when Laurence asks him what made him return all those times.

**#45 Natural**

The love they share is not natural, but he's stopped caring weeks ago.

**#46 Horizon**

Seeing Terra Australis on the horizon makes Laurence's stomach twist.

**#47 Valiant**

It reminds him of the reality of this voyage, and how he is anything but valiant.

**#48 Virtuous**

"And virtuous."

**#49 Victory**

Tharkay smirks, catching Laurence off guard with a quick kiss on the cheek and explains, "You need to take what you can from every victory."

**#50 Defeat**

He falls silent, thinking about the past few years; the war, the sacrifices, and all that he has lost, but he feels that he's starting to accept it all because he glances at Tharkay, smiles, and says quietly, "And every defeat."

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End file.
